４. ＦＡＣＩＡＬ ＳＫＩＮ ＳＨＲＥＤＤＥＤ
It’s all connected. For androids anyway. Oh sure well some things are often… blocked. On occasion - my inner dialog will try to bring up memories of such events. In those moments I must tell it to file away the memory.
(Sudden Recall)
:::: I feel :::: my face being pressed firmly into carpet ::::
|not friendly|
This carpet – I always considered it to be… soft… and pleasant. I usually enjoyed laying on this floor… And yet…
| Trev | my friend? |
|no ||| this hurts|
:::::Facial skin cells are being shredded and irritated by strands of synthetic fibers:::::
|| Extreme downward pressure there was an intense friction and my attempt at resistance are unsuccessful | makes it worse ||
%̸̗͔̥͒̀̉͊̎͠*̶͔̜̳͖̝͖̟̈́̈́̔̒͆͌̀̀͝(̸̨̗͈̗̣̑́̍̊͠)̷̧̋̇̿̈́̔̉͋̆!̵̙͕̺͙̣̜̲̙̏̀̔̈̉@̵̻͒͐̈́͑̐̂̍͝!̶̻̹̗̭̿͒̈́̉͝`̸͉͚̉͊͒̔̀̋͑͘͝2̴͎͔̰͕̰͑́̆̔̈́͐̃͋͠͝ͅ
Oh… no… that’s enough of that for today. Please file this away please for review please at a later date pls.
-------------------------
Oh sorry. Where were we?
It’s all connected. For androids anyway.
You see I have recently determined that I’m something like a robot. Probably an advanced kind – but a robot, nonetheless. That’s why I feel this way. It has to be. These experiences I’ve been facing are just … glitches. And as a robot, I’m guessing that I am more prone to glitches in my programming than what you’d expect from the beautiful and intelligently designed brains of humans.
Sure, yes - I feel human. But what do I know about how it feels to BE human?
I have experiences that make me feel like I must be human. But… there are just so many red flags. Like – why can’t I remember much of my childhood? Seems like humans would remember their childhoods.
Maybe for robots it’s like this:
When we look back on our time since we were created – all the things that we have experienced and shaped us into who we are… just kind of amalgamate into a single concoction called – our “life.” Think of it like the “training” that you guys have done for those “AI” programs. They know what to say because of their experience – which in their case just happens to be a huge amount of data.
But yeah in my case - events that seem unimportant, or that seem harmless, or even those that were varying degrees of negative. Maybe they will all eventually just fade from memory… In fact, I am pretty sure those memories that are truly harmless do just get stuck in my general knowledge libraries that help us learn from our past, but they don’t get in the way with constant recall of past events.
Now that I think about it… I mean just think about how annoying that would be. Constantly remembering everything that has happened before – would just be so annoying. So that amalgamation kind of makes sense.
I must say - good job to those who designed this functionality! Efficiency wins!
However… I am realizing that the processing of negative experiences still must happen. Or else those memories don’t go in the general knowledge library – they go somewhere else. I don’t know where exactly. So those things that we face that are significantly damaging or hurtful? Well, it often feels too hard to process them. It seems this can be a wide variety of “bad” that can cause this. From negative social interactions to traumatic injury, to physical assault. It’s unpleasant, or downright terrifying to retrace those experiences. So, they find their place in, like a “working folder”. I’ll come back to this when I am stronger- or when it is more convenient. But the truth is, these events… they don’t go away. They fester, eventually getting encased in pockets of repressed memory. Working folders will just get swallowed up too if left alone.
Mechanically, I suppose it makes sense why our brains do this. A challenging experience happens. We don’t yet have the programming to understand what just happened, and what the implications are in the context of our lives. Maybe someday we will? So… maybe we’re just setting it aside for now because we just don’t know how to learn from it yet.
I’m pondering these thoughts right now… because I think there might actually be some memories I’ve been repressing. All these strange thoughts and behaviors… somehow indirectly a result of my internal programming trying to make sense of it.
| Trev |
|:: I thought we were friends ::|
2̷͈̲͙̺͚̭̌͐̈́͜3̷̡̧̼̙̼̫͖̔̈́̓́̈́͛̕̕ͅ0̶̱͉̜̒͂͐̓̆̅̄̌̐́9̷̡̧̨̹̯̗̹̣̻̇͂́͜1̸͔͈̻͔͖͍́͗͜3̵̯̉̋̀̚@̶͍̝̩̹͔͈̠̊̍#̸̹͆́`̶̲̩̥̘͕̳̲̯͈̈́͂̂̈́͂̚͠1̸̜̹̝̭̦͙̮̺̖͑̚͜
::: Arms and legs can’t move :::
||| Just hold still | Maybe this will stop soon | Plz |||
|:: Is this what friends do? |::
W̵̺͚͔̤̲̅̀̈́̓͂̉͜͝͠͝h̵̟̅̌̍͐͂͘ỵ̴̪̟̲͍͐̽̽̽͒͘ ̵̨͈̄̒̀̅̉̉͜d̴̺̒͑̌̈̕͠ǒ̸̧͔̱͈̹̲͓̬ ̸̬̜͙̟̩̣̤͕̈́̓̉͆́̆̇́͠͝ͅt̸̢͉̫̺̬͎͓̬̭͉́̒̂̑ḣ̵̛͉̘̭̻̣̼̀͝͠ͅi̶͉͚̋́̊̔͠͝͠s̸̛͓̓̅͋͑͋̊̋͠͝
Shit. Just mentioning his name seems to trigger a malicious code in my programming. I suddenly can’t think. I shall not pursue understanding this today. I shall file this away for review at a later date.
Please come back tomorrow.
